悬浮

放假之初的生活，很分裂。

昨天答应了要睡觉，信誓旦旦的保证了。

不看电影，不逛网页，不玩游戏，摁了电脑，摁了闹表。

直接闭上白天睡成单眼皮的小眼儿进入REM睡眠，也许残留一点k脑波，也许体温直线下降，也许在动眼睡眠阶段做个让我窒息的习惯了的梦。 

总之，我很听话的软着心，虾米一样缩在毯子里，脑子里想着以后不能再吃那么多M&M's了，它们搞的我情绪亢奋，容易瓶颈。

然后，3小时之后的凌晨，电话响了。

果然的，我摸着脖子左边的淋巴腺，扁桃体发炎了。。

我来总结一下失眠者的几个特征。

一，原发性失眠。没什么可说的。

二，精神性失眠。压力，抑郁，精神分裂，神经衰弱，最近刚好很幸运的都沾全了。

三，不抗骚扰。

这么许多年，在还不算长的生命里，美国是一个能够给我过度自由的地方，自由到无拘无束，一意孤行，同时也有迷失了初衷的危险。

隐约觉得，自我这种东西还是该有个边界为好，不然实在不知会延伸出怎样的分支，或者更大的可能性是坠落。举个例子吧，独立于人脑的主观感受，渐渐同步成不受控的客观存在。孤独即是如此，但也只是一种心理状态。不会因为隐藏起来就不见，也不会因为表达出来而消失。

最近谈起把EVA当作信仰。我还笑话老青年纯真，其实当年的自己也没少被洗脑。一些记忆，就当是礼物，一起缅怀了吧。

EVA里面有一句是谈论樱花的。他说，生命怒放的结果应该是升华而不是陨殁。

还有一句是我抄在快译通里的。他说，命运安排了最始，却分支了最终。裂变的岔路，每一个尽头的结局都不同。命运善意的把结局交由我们选择，是我们自己在畏惧，因为抉择的艰难。

早上，爬起来洗澡的时候，想起以前总说的笑话 -无畏者无恙。 

我要是恙了，这是不是就意味着我开始害怕了。

也许理解或者感化都是无稽之谈，与喝下去的酒精带给我的安慰没什么区别。

但能微笑着认可你的人，遇到了就是一种blessing，让之擦肩而过等同于亵渎。  

放假之初的生活，我的快乐，就应该被赋予的轻盈而霸道。

          Each Halloween, Americans run to commercial pumpkin patches and purchase odd-shaped, orange vegetables they carve out and make into happy or demonic faces. They place candles inside and perch the lit faces on windowsills.

The pumpkin has come to symbolize the holiday as much as ghouls, goblins, ghosts, and witches. But how many people know how the Jack O'Lantern has come to be associated with Halloween, and why the pumpkin has come to be used?

           The answer seems to lie in an Irish folktale that goes something like this:

A long time ago, there lived an unfortunate soul, a stingy blacksmith named Jack, known far and wide for his quick temper and his constant state of drunkenness. One All Hallows Eve, after Jack had imbibed too much at his favorite pub and his life had begun to slip away, the Devil appeared.

"It's time," the Devil said to Jack.

"Time for what?" Jack slurred, his tongue soaked through with alcohol.

"You're done for, and I've come for your soul."

"I'll give you my soul," Jack replied, "but you've got to let me have one more drink before I die."

           The Devil agreed. Jack said he was short of money, so the Devil offered to turn himself into a sixpence in order to pay the bartender and speed up his mission. Jack immediately seized the opportunity, grabbed the coin, and pocketed it in his purse. Because Jack had a silver cross in his purse, the Devil could not change himself back. Now imprisoned, the Devil screamed at Jack to set him free. Jack said he would, but only if the Devil promised not to bother him again for a whole year. The Devil agreed.

             During the next year, Jack tried to mend his ways. For a time, he was a good husband to his wife and a good father to his children. He attended church, he gave to charities, eventually though, Jack slipped back into his wanton ways.

The next All Hallows Eve, as Jack was heading home from the pub, the Devil appeared once again.

"It's time," the Devil said, standing in a jaunty pose along the side of the road.

           This time, Jack did not need to ask, "Time for what?" He knew. Not too eager to die, and thinking quickly on his feet, Jack pointed to an apple tree standing nearby and said, "I'll go with you, but first, could you get me an apple out of that tree over there?" Jack even offered to give the Devil a hand and hoist him up.

            The Devil, not having learned from his previous encounter with Jack, and thinking he had nothing to lose, agreed. He jumped on Jack's shoulders, climbed into the tree, plucked an apple, and threw it down. Jack caught the apple and whipped a knife out of his pocket, but instead of cutting the apple into bite-size pieces, he carved a cross into the tree trunk. Trapped once again, the Devil howled like a jackal to be released, which Jack agreed to do, but only if the Devil agreed never to bother him again. The Devil agreed and Jack released him.

A year later, Jack's evil ways finally caught up with him and he died. When he tried to get into Heaven, he was told he could not enter. So he tried to get into Hell, but the Devil, still smarting from the way Jack had humiliated him in the past, refused to let Jack pass into Hell.

"I cannot get into Heaven," Jack said. "I cannot get into Hell. Where can I go then?"

"You can go back where you came from," the Devil bellowed.

With that, Jack sunk down to the ground. "The way back is cold, and windy," he whimpered. "How shall I find my way? Can you at least provide me with some light?"

             The Devil, being the kind creature that he was, threw Jack a piece of brightly burning coal straight from the fires of Hell. "That should help you find your way in the dark of limbo," he said. To keep the piece of coal from blowing out in the wind, Jack put it into a turnip that he had been eating and was now hollowed out. Ever since that day, it has been Jack's fate to wander in darkness with his lantern until Judgment Day.

And so, that is how the Jack of the lantern (Jack O'Lantern) became the symbol of a damned soul wandering the earth on All Hallows Eve.

One might ask, if Jack used a turnip, how does the pumpkin fit into the holiday story?

           Due to the Irish potato famine (1845-1850), over 700,000 people immigrated to America, bringing with them their traditions of Halloween and Jack O'Lanterns. When they arrived, the Irish found that pumpkins were more readily available than turnips in the New World, so they substituted one vegetable for another.

Today, the carved pumpkin face is perhaps the most famous icon of the holiday.